When your grown child breaks your heart, it’s the worst thing that can happen to you as a parent. There will be many more sad times in the future, which is a sad fact. And if you are not ready to deal with them, you will almost always be unhappy.
The good news is… There are ways to deal with these feelings and start talking to your kids again.
When I was a teenager, my mother told me that having a child was the hardest thing a parent could go through. This is when their child breaks their heart.
It is unavoidable. She said that at some point in your journey as a parent, you will do terrible things to your child.
And one day, your child will be old enough to tell everyone what you’ve done wrong.
Sadly, this will lead to a situation where your grown child will break your heart. Either through what they say, do, or choose to do, they can make you mad.
As a 14-year-old girl, I didn’t understand why or how a child could hurt their parents.
Don’t you think that parents are the toughest people in the world? Don’t they decide whether to say “yes” or “no”? How could someone in the family with so much power get hurt?
I’d never seen my parents sobbing before and that’s enough to show me that my parents had the strongest hearts anyone could have.
As I got older, I came to realize that most parents have the softest hearts.
When an adult child breaks a parent’s heart, it can change how they live and what they do.
What’s the worst? It can even affect their health in a bad way.
What to do when your adult child hurts your feelings
Many parents have felt the pain of having their heart broken by a child. This pain is different, and it can be hard to treat. If this kind of pain is hard for you to deal with, you should remember that you need to stay calm. When a grown-up child breaks your heart, the pain can be too much to bear.
When an adult kid breaks your heart, it can feel like the end of the world. But there are ways to get better and move on. Talk about what happened. It’s important to let out all of your feelings so that you can start to deal with them. It can be helpful to talk to a friend or family member you can trust. Here are some ways to get better:
- Don’t keep your emotions inside.
- Recognize the anguish
- You can go to counseling or therapy if you want to. Talking about your feelings with someone can help you work through them and make the pain feel less overwhelming.
- Find a group that can help you.
- Talk to yourself about how you feel.
How to Raise an Adult Child
Parenting an adult child isn’t something that people often talk about or argue about.
Many people think you should have learned at least one or two parenting skills by the time your child is a baby. Then, as your child gets older, you are expected to know a lot about them.
You should know what to do with your adult child and how to raise them after spending many years with them at different stages of their lives.
People said, “Hey, you’ve been living with them for a long time!”
But this is not the case.
No one can be a parent to an adult child just because they had a child, took care of them, and helped them grow up.
It’s not your fault if you’re having trouble.
Many parents today think that becoming an adult starts at age 18.
You should know that being an adult is more about being an adult than about being a certain age.
Many kids today get smarter faster than they ever have before.
You must notice the change in the way your child thinks. Figure out when their way of thinking has reached an adult level.
You can only do it if you spend time talking with your child.
Find out what went wrong and how to fix it
A grown-up child today faces numerous challenges.There is a lot of pressure to do well and succeed early in life. This is because college costs a lot and the job market is very competitive.
It puts a lot of pressure on your child. No matter how hard you try, you can’t always keep kids out of trouble.
What they are facing now is different from what you were going through when you were a young adult.
Life has changed because of technology and social media, and so has the pressure on your child.
Because their problems are different, they need different ways to solve them.
Your child will deal with situations and solve problems in their own way. They will probably hear your idea, but they are less likely to act on it.
Most parents realize at this point that their little child has grown up.
And now is the time for you to realize that you can’t treat your child the same way you did when they were younger.
Your child is now a person with his or her own thoughts, feelings, and choices.
The best thing to do is to treat your child as you would any other adult.
There are many things about your grown child that break your heart.
As a parent, you have to figure out what went wrong before you can fix the problem.
Maybe you did something wrong in the past that hurt your child.
For example, you said something that broke the heart of your grown-up child, like:
- Spots or zits?
- Status of a Relationship
- Work status
- Life decision
Your Adult Child Has Broken Your Heart How to Handle It
As a parent, you should always keep in mind that your relationship with your child will get harder as they get older.
Even if you were a great parent when they were young and took good care of them, you shouldn’t forget how important it is to stay in touch with them as they get older.
This will make it easier for you to deal with disagreements with your grown children.
If you don’t always tell them how you’re feeling, now might be a good time to do so.
“Any conflict between parents and adult children is usually felt more strongly by the parents because they care more about their kids.” The 6 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your Adult Children (Huffington Post)
The first rule for getting over a broken heart is to think about what you can do to make things better.
Because you can’t change how someone else acts, the only thing you can do is change your own.
1. You both need to be with someone else
In relationships, things rarely happen out of the blue. Things have most likely already begun before you realize it.
You should not treat your adult child as if they were a child.Instead, treat them like a coworker would.
You won’t treat someone you work with badly, right?
It works for some parents who treat their kids like friends who need to be treated with respect. You’ll still be around for your friends if they need you.
You can’t just show up at their house one day without warning and tell them what’s wrong with their family.
Pick a role for your kids that you want to play yourself. Because, as sad as it may sound, you can’t be their parents any more.
Respect is important if you want to have good relationships and start putting your broken heart back together.
Even if they don’t treat you the same way, you should always be kind to them.
2. It’s OK to be wrong
Children who are now adults can talk to each other better. They can also see things from someone else’s point of view better and will probably think before they speak.
So, they can talk to their parents about their differences.
So, parents may see fights between their kids as a sign of disrespect, which can make them sad and break their hearts.
Some parents want their kids to do everything they say. This kind of hope leads to disappointment, which breaks the parents’ hearts.
Your child is a unique person whose personality is different from yours.
You will have many fights with each other in the future. When you make suggestions, for instance, they might act in a way you didn’t expect.
Your grown children may not always agree with your ideas, no matter how helpful you think they are.
When the conversation gets heated and tense, stay in charge by listening to what everyone has to say without talking over them.
Listen to what they have to say without being rude. If the problem doesn’t get better, stop what you’re doing and try again tomorrow.
Keep your promise to talk to them the next day, and don’t disappear or act like the situation doesn’t exist. This will only make things worse between you and your older child.
3. Express yourself
The easiest thing to do when your grown child breaks your heart is to tell them.
Yes, we all know that it’s hard for parents to show their feelings, especially if they’ve been holding them back from the start.
You have to accept that your adult child won’t always act the way you want them to, and that’s fine.
The point is to be honest and let your adult child know that he or she hurts you.
Even if they don’t answer right away, they will think about it and remember it for at least one night.
4. Ask for help
When things are getting worse and relationships are falling apart, it is important to get help from outside.
You can improve your situation and your mental health by going to family counseling or therapy.
Your adult child might not want to go to therapy, which is fine. You can still go to a session by yourself.
When you go to family therapy by yourself, you will usually learn two or three things that you can use to make your situation better.
But to get anything out of a session, you have to let go of your ego.
Sometimes you have to forget everything you know about raising kids and be open to learning something new about raising adults.
5. He or she is your kid
Things don’t always get better, no matter what you do. This is especially true if your older child is dealing with a serious problem or has a disability.
No matter what happens, your grown-up child is still the same child you brought into the world and raised.
Try to be the first one to contact them. Put in the first call.
It is very important that you reach out to them, are friendly, and don’t take yourself too seriously.
At the end of the day, it is still your child.
How to stop worrying about your adult child
Focus on changing yourself when your adult child breaks your heart. To begin, you must be sensitive to their emotions and wants. It is critical to understand why your child has left you and to allow them to get to know you. Be sad at the loss of contact. You must be able to inform your grown child that you are still there for them even after they have moved on.
You must also strive hard to comprehend why your grown child abandoned you. In many cases, this is a reaction to family over-entanglement. Your child could have been hiding from you because they no longer want to live with you. Your child’s choice, on the other hand, may have been the best thing for them. It’s difficult to let your adult child leave you behind, but you can assist them.
Allowing yourself time to grieve is essential for truly healing from your child’s shattered heart. You don’t want to forget your child, but you also need to find ways to cherish his or her memory. For example, you could create a memorial space and display images of your firstborn. Display historical mementos in your home. Write letters and talk to your deceased child. You might also find that keeping a journal is beneficial.
Read About: Can You Freeze Baby Formula Which is for Baby Toddlers?
Frequently Asked Questions About an Adult Child Breaking Your Heart
What to do when your child hurts you emotionally
- Stop and ask yourself, “What is getting to you as a parent?”
- Calmly approach your teen and ask an interesting question.
- Validate your child and show him or her how to act.
- Make yourself stronger after the meltdown.
How do you deal with a child who cuts you out of their life?
- Ask your child what he or she needs from you to make things better.
- Don’t act based on how defensive you feel.
- Expect Respect.
- Don’t put your kids or your relationship with them on a pedestal.
- Take each day as it comes.
- Don’t beg.
- Be in charge.
How do you deal with toxic grown children?
- Think about what you want.
- Practice detachment.
- Choose what you want to share and what you want to keep to yourself.
- Find out when to say “no.”
- Don’t try to make anyone different.
- Set up meetings that will help you.
- Talk to someone.
If your grown child breaks your heart in the future, you can use these steps to help yourself heal and avoid more heartbreak.
- Spend some time talking with them and trying to figure out what problems they’re having. Do it now if you didn’t do it when they were younger.
- Know that they are facing different problems than you did when you were starting out.
- Accept that not everyone will always do what you say.
- Stop judging them and making comments about their weight, acne, zits, housekeeping, choice of partner, and life choices.
- To lead the relationship, try something new.You can’t be parents anymore. Think of your grown-up child as a coworker or a friend.
- Set ground rules when you don’t agree on something. Step back from the argument, take a deep breath, and maybe even sleep on it.
- Tell them how you feel and if you have been hurt.
- If the problem doesn’t get better, you should get help and advice from someone else. Family counseling or therapy can be very helpful, even if your child doesn’t want to go with you.
- At the end of the day, they are still your kids. Be the one to reach out and let them know they can call you at any time.
I am an accomplished writer, a devoted father, and a compassionate advocate for new and experienced parents in my baby’s parenting journey. With a wealth of firsthand experience and a deep understanding of the joys and challenges of raising children, I become a trusted voice in the parenting community.